Confused dating quotes

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Man, it's the same bullshit they tried to pull in my day.

His pants were so tight if he'd a farted it'd blow his boots off.

Samsung previously included raised eyebrows, as did Microsoft along with a rotated S-shaped mouth, à la the : S emoticon.

She was so ugly she could trick or treat over the telephone Darlin. Well, I'd smack the fire out of 'em if they acted that way around me.

You’re hotter than donut grease at a fat man convention. That made my nuts draw up so tight you couldn't reach them with knittin' needles. Ain't no point in beatin' a dead horse...'course, can't hurt none either. That smells like the shithouse door of a shrimp boat. Directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road." Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

Sweatin’ like a whore in church…I’m as confused as a blind lesbian in fish market….. Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens. It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table. You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

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